When Sora and Coffee Meet
by Western Master 3
Summary: A hyperactive Sora meets a coffee pot. This story takes place shortly before Kingdom Hearts. This is a first attempt at humor, and flames are welcome so that I will have something to power my flamethrower.
1. Sora and Coffee

When Sora and Coffee Meet  
  
Disclaimer: I only own the plot of this story, and a very empty pack of gum. It's my empty pack! You can't have it! Stay back!  
  
Readers: O.o  
  
Random Raccoon: This story takes place shortly before Kingdom Hearts.  
  
Me: A raccoon! It wants to take my preeeccciioouusss empty pack of gum. It must DIE!  
  
Me: *Chases the raccoon around*  
  
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Sora, Kairi, and Riku are, as usual, at the beach.  
  
Kairi: Yawn, so bored.  
  
Riku: Ditto that.  
  
Random Ditto: Ditto, ditto!!!  
  
Sora: Hey, purple dude. Wrong fic.  
  
RD: *Sadly* Ditto... *Disapears*  
  
Kairi: Still bored.  
  
Riku: Same here.  
  
Sora: You said that already.  
  
Riku: *Bored* So?  
  
Sora: Hey, I know! We could build something!  
  
Kairi: We did that yesterday, remember?  
  
Sora: Oh yeah.  
  
He thinks hard and remembers what had happened.  
  
Flashback  
  
Sora has a hammer. He is pounding two televisions together.  
  
Riku: O.o Sora! Don't hit that obviously exsposed wire!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Sora: This one?  
  
Riku: Yes, that one!!!!!!!  
  
Sora: Okay!  
  
He hits the wire.  
  
Riku: *Slowly and dramatically* Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!  
  
There is a HUGE explosion.  
  
End flashback  
  
Sora: Heh heh, whoops. *Looks at a tiny crater on the ground* sorry. *Passes out from thinking so hard*  
  
Kairi: That was interesting. It happens almost everyday, but it was the most interesting thing to happen today. *She laughs her infamous, evil, terrifying, destructive, demonic giggle of doom!!!, blasting several readers across the room* I just got an idea!  
  
Sora: *Wakes up* Aaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!! Kairi got an idea!!!!!!!!!!!! It's the end of the world!!!!!!!!! *Passes out*  
  
Riku and Kairi: O.O  
  
Riku: Just what was your idea?  
  
Kairi: *Evily* You'll see.............*Another evil, terrifying, destructive, demonic giggle of doom!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!*  
  
Riku: Make it stop!!!!!!  
  
A while later.................  
  
Kairi is holding a pot of coffee. Riku is holding a feather duster. Sora is still unconscious. It's noon. Do you know where your kids are?  
  
The parents of Riku, Kairi, and Sora: *Annoyed* Yes.  
  
Just asking.  
  
TpoR,K,aS: ^___^  
  
Kairi: Now!!!!!!!  
  
Riku attacks Sora with the feather duster. Unfortunantly for Sora, he is very ticklish.  
  
Sora: He he ha ha ha hehehehhehehhehahhahahahhhehahahahhahahahhehehehahhahahahahahahahahahahhahah ahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Make it stop!!!!!!!  
  
Riku stops.  
  
Kairi: *Evil, terrifying, destructive, demonic giggle of doom!!!!! again* Hey Sora, want to try some coffee?  
  
Sora: What's coffee?  
  
Riku: *Snicker* Only the newest, hippest energy drink out at the moment. *Thinking* Wow, I can't believe I just said that.  
  
Sora: Than I need some!!!!!!  
  
Kairi: Well, I'm not sure that I should let you have some.  
  
Sora: *Puppy-dog eyes* Please? *Is hopping all over the place.*  
  
Kairi: Maybe.... *Thinking* How long should I make this last?  
  
Riku: *Thinking* How about another five minutes?  
  
Kairi: *Thinking* How did you know what I was thinking?!?!?!??!?!??!?!  
  
Riku: *Thinking* I dunno.  
  
Sora: I want coffee!!!!! *Is a blur*  
  
Riku, who is ignoring Sora, sssssssssslllllllllllllllllllllooooooooooooooowwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwlllllllllllyyy yyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy pours himself a cup of coffee.  
  
Sora: Coffeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!! *Is now jumping in a large hole.*  
  
Kairi, also ignoring Sora, even more ssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssslllllllllllllllllllllll lllllllllllllllllllllllllllooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooowwwwww wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll lllyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy pours herself a cup of coffee.  
  
Sora: Please? Coffee? *Is somehow out of energy*  
  
Riku: We haven't been stopping you.  
  
Sora: *Sweatdrop*  
  
Sora takes a sip of coffee, then drinks the whole pot in less than a second.  
  
Sora: ^__^  
  
Kairi: *Thinking* Hmmmm........... Nothing's happened yet.  
  
Riku: *Thinking* Yeah, that is weird. Maybe it takes a minute for coffee to work.  
  
Kairi: *Thinking* How did you do that?  
  
Riku: *Thinking* I still dunno.  
  
Sora: *Happily* Wanna duel, Riku?  
  
Riku: Why not? Get your sword and meet me at the usual spot.  
  
Sora disappears. Less than a second later he reappears with his wooden sword.  
  
Riku and Kairi: O.O *Blink-blink* O.O  
  
Kairi: Maybe this wasn't a good idea.  
  
They meet up at that tiny little island connected to theirs with a bridge. Sora is bouncing around all over the place.  
  
Kairi: Begin!!!!!!!!!!! *Evil giggle of doom!!!!!!!!!!!!*  
  
Sora hops up to the top of a tree. Riku whacks the tree, but Sora had already jumped back to the ground. Riku slashes, but Sora deflects it. Sora stabs, slashes, then does a much more powerful slash, sending Riku flying toward the East.  
  
Sora: *Really quikly* Iwon!Yay!Alright!!!!!!ThisisthefirsttimethatIhavewonandit'sallthankstocoffee !  
  
Riku comes flying from over the Western horizon, covered in postage stamps from all over the world. He slams into the beach.  
  
Kairi: You stay here, Sora. I'm going to check up on Riku.  
  
Sora: *Happily* Okay! Bouncy bouncy bouncy bouncy bouncy..........................  
  
Instead of checking up on Riku, Kairi goes to the secret place by the waterfall. Wakka and Tidus are exploring the tiny place until Kairi comes in.  
  
Wakka: Good morning, ya?  
  
Tidus: It's in the afternoon.  
  
Wakka: Sorry, ya. My watch is broken.  
  
Tidus: You don't have a watch.  
  
Wakka: Oh yeah.  
  
Kairi tells them what she did.  
  
Wakka: This is trouble, ya?  
  
Kairi: Yes, but now we need to de-coffeefy Sora.  
  
Tidus: Yes, that would be a problem.  
  
Wakka: I got an idea, ya!  
  
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Me: If you want to know what happens next, I need at least one request for me to continue.  
  
Raccoon: Yeah *Pantpant* at least *Pant* one.  
  
Me: The raccoon! It must die!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 


	2. Wakka's plan

When Sora and Coffee Meet Part 2  
  
Me: ff.net finally let me post this! *Looks up at the reviews* Wow. I didn't think people would review this quickly.  
  
Raccoon: Really?  
  
Me: *Gasp* You again!  
  
Raccoon: AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!  
  
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When we last left off, Wakka had a plan. What is it? You'll see.  
  
Kairi: Okay, what is it?  
  
Wakka: Whisper whisper whisper.  
  
Kairi: Whisper?  
  
Wakka: Whisper whisper, ya?  
  
Tidus: Whispery whispery whisper.  
  
Wakka: Whispered whisper, ya?  
  
Kairi: Whisper! *Evil giggle of doom!!!!!!! causing the entrance to collapse. Luckily, a tree root left a small space just big enough for them to get out*  
  
Tidus: Alright peeps, move out!  
  
BONK!  
  
Kairi: Where'd the entrance go?  
  
Wakka: I dunno, ya?  
  
Tidus: *Points downward* There it is! But how'd it get so small?  
  
Kairi: Who cares. Let's go.  
  
They leave, nursing the bumps on their heads. They find Selphie at the docks. She's talking about romantic stuff.  
  
Selphie: Sharing a glass of Romance-aid with someone would be so romantic. *Sigh*  
  
All but Selphie: o.O *Thinking* Romance-aid exist?  
  
Selphie: *Notices Tidus, Wakka, and Kairi standing behind her* Oh, hi people!  
  
Wakka: Hi.  
  
Kairi: Hey.  
  
Tidus: Waaaazzzzzuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu *Cough cough* uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuupppppppp!!! !!!!  
  
All but Tidus: *Stare*  
  
Tidus: *Confused* What?  
  
Kairi: Nothing.  
  
Selphie: So what brings all of you here?  
  
Tidus: Oh, nothing.  
  
Wakka: Kairi gave Sora some coffee and now he's so hyper we might never beat him up again, ya?  
  
Kairi: Yeah, nothing's wrong.  
  
Selphie: *Terrified* WHAT DO YOU MEAN NOTHING'S WRONG! THIS IS TERRIBLE! I MIGHT HAVE TO BUY A METAL JUMP ROPE! THAT COST MONEY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Tidus: Calm down, Selphie. We have a plan.  
  
Selphie: *Sweetly* You do?  
  
Wakka: Yes.  
  
Selphie: Does it involve buying things with my small amount of money?  
  
Kairi: Uuuuuummmmmmmmmmmmm........ no?  
  
Selphie: *Excited* All right, tell me!  
  
Tidus: Whisper whisper.  
  
Kairi: Whisper whisper *Evil giggle of doom!!!!!!!!!!!* whisper.  
  
Wakka: Whispery whispered whisper, ya?  
  
Selphie: That's it?  
  
Kairi: Yep. Go get your stuff.  
  
A few minutes later.......  
  
Selphie has a jump rope, Wakka has a blitzball, Tidus has a big red stick, Riku is moaning on the beach, Sora has turned the square island into a circle with all his bouncing, a comet the size of Montana is heading directly toward the Destiny Islands three million light-years away, and Kairi is holding a pillowcase full of bricks.  
  
Tidus: *Singing and doing the Macarena at the same time* Hit Sora with a big red stick, doo-da, doo-da. Hit Sora with a big red stick, oh the doo-da day, hey!  
  
Kairi: That song really didn't go with that dance. And you need dancing lessons  
  
Tidus: It didn't? And I do?  
  
Kairi: No, and yes.  
  
Tidus: Darn.  
  
Riku: Moan moan moanaty moan moan.  
  
Sora: ...bouncy *Drinks coffee* bouncy *Drains pot* bouncy! *Eats a bag of coffee beans* Kairi, you're *Burp!* back!  
  
Kairi: Yep.  
  
Wakka: Hey Sora, ya? Wanna duel us until you lose?  
  
Sora: *Very happily* Sure! Let's fight at the beach!  
  
Wakka: Um, okay.  
  
They go to the beach. Both go into a fighter's stance.  
  
Wakka: Show me your stuff!  
  
Kairi: Begin!  
  
Wakka throws his blitzball at Sora with all his might. Sora swings and deflects the blitzball, managing to knock Wakka away and shrink the dock at the same time.  
  
Selphie: I'm up next!  
  
Riku and Wakka: Moan.  
  
Selphie: Alright ,don't hold back.  
  
Kairi: Start!  
  
Selphie jumps up and sends one end of her jump rope toward Sora. A second later she finds that Sora had moved. She hadn't expected that, and was so distracted that she didn't notice the wall that was right in front of her.  
  
Selphie: Owie. Oh, no! I'm out of bounds! Nnnnnnooooooooooooo!  
  
But she wasn't. Oh well. No one really cares that much, except maybe a few reviewers  
  
Kairi: Okay, next!  
  
Tidus: I'm right here. You didn't have to yell!  
  
Kairi: Sorry. Begin!  
  
Music starts. Tidus stabs at Sora, but misses. Sora slashes, but also misses. Tidus picks up a handful of rocks and throws them, one at a time. *In slow-motion* Sora bends back, completely dodging the rocks. *Normal speed* Sora slashes Tidus, knocking him back several feet. *Slow-motion again* Tidus dramatically lands on his face. *Normal speed* Tidus steps on Riku.  
  
Riku: Oof!  
  
Sora slashes and accidentally hits Riku.  
  
Riku: Ow! Moan.  
  
Neither notice. Their fight is interrupted by a passing raccoon that is running away from a teenaged boy with an axe. The raccoon and the teenager disappear.  
  
All: O.O *Blink-blink* O.O  
  
Kairi then notices that Sora is just standing there, completely vulnerable. She sneaks up behind him and.........  
  
WHACK  
  
.....gives him a nice, big bump on the back of his head with her bag of bricks.  
  
Kairi: *Happily* I win!  
  
Riku, Selphie, Wakka, and Sora: Moan  
  
Tidus: That wasn't fair! I had him!  
  
Kairi: Your fight was interrupted by a raccoon running away from a teenaged boy with an axe. My contract with Disney says that I'm allowed to hurt anyone distracted by a raccoon running away from a teenaged boy with an axe.  
  
Tidus: Stupid contract.. Wait a minute, what's Disney?  
  
Kairi: Who knows?  
  
Sora is suddenly conscious, and hyper, again.  
  
Sora: That was fun!  
  
Kairi: *Thinking* How'd he wake up so quickly?  
  
Riku: *Thinking* You don't know?  
  
Kairi: *Thinking* You're conscious?  
  
Riku: *Thinking* Am I?  
  
Kairi looks over at where Riku is.  
  
Kairi: *Thinking* Nope.  
  
Sora: *Drains a coffee pot* Wanna duel again?  
  
Riku, Selphie, and Wakka: moannomoan  
  
Sora: *Happily* Okay.  
  
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Me: Well, it's the end of another chapter.  
  
Raccoon: And I'm a dollar short.  
  
Me: *Chewing gum* Yep, he was generous enough to buy me a pack of gum shortly after we passed through the Destiny Islands. *Nearly drops axe*  
  
Raccoon: You owe me a dollar.  
  
Me: *Ignoring the raccoon* If you want to see what happens next (And it's still a ways to go before we end up at the start of Kingdom Hearts), and know how Wakka's plan was supposed to de-coffeefy Sora, I need another request for me to continue (Which probably won't be a problem, seeing the many reviews of chapter one). 


	3. Riku awakens

When Sora and Coffee Meet Part 3  
  
Western Master 3: Well, here we are. Part 3! I'm sorry about the delay, but I do have reasons.  
  
Raccoon: I'm hungry.  
  
Me: Well, why don't you go eat some raccoon food?  
  
Raccoon: I don't have any.  
  
Me: Oh. While we search for some raccoon food, here's part 3!  
  
Raccoon: By the way, Western Master 3 owns The Dance of the Rubber Chicken, so don't take it. This is also his first time making up an entire song on the spot.  
  
Western Master 3: You can tell me if you liked it or not. And be honest.  
  
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When we last left off, Selphie and Wakka were beat up by Sora.  
  
Later, without Sora, in the once obvious Secret Place...  
  
Kairi: I think I speak for all of us when I say HOW WAS YOUR PLAN SUPPOSED TO DE-COFFEEFY SORA!? And, WHY DIDN'T ANYONE ASK YOU BEFORE!? \_/  
  
Selphie: Yep.  
  
Tidus: That's right.  
  
Wakka: *Nervous* Well. uuuummmmm.. It wasn't supposed to. I just wanted to fight, ya.  
  
Tidus: *Maniacally* You just wanted to fight, eh? Well, fight the three of us at once!  
  
Wakka: *Panicking* But I don't want to!  
  
Selphie: We didn't say you had a choice.  
  
Selphie, Tidus, and Kairi proceed to beat Wakka to a pulp. Several hours later, they are done.  
  
Wakka: Oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooowwwwww wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiieee eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee ssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss ssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss.......................  
  
Their thirst for revenge gone, Tidus, Selphie, and Kairi decide to spend the last hour of daylight devising ways to de-coffeefy Sora. And the story started only three hours before nightfall. Plot holes are fun, don't you think?  
  
Riku: *Still covered in stamps* mmoooaaannnn..  
  
Selphie: Can we ignore Riku?  
  
Tidus: Why not? He won't be awake for hours.  
  
Kairi: Hey, there's a stamp from Destiny Islands! Who would live in a place called Destiny Islands?  
  
Tidus: Newsflash, we live in the Destiny Islands.  
  
Kairi: Oh. Um, never mind.  
  
Riku: Oooohhhhhhh, my head..  
  
Selphie: He's awake!  
  
Riku pulls a rubber chicken out from nowhere.  
  
Riku: *Happily, which is strange for him* Who wants to sing a song?  
  
Selphie: *Thinking* This could be interesting *Talking* I do I do!  
  
Tidus: Aren't you going to remove those stamps before you sing?  
  
Riku: Nope.  
  
Tidus: Just checking.  
  
Kairi: What song are you going to sing?  
  
Riku: The Dance of the Rubber Chicken!  
  
Selphie: I've never heard of that one. Go on and sing!  
  
Music starts from absolutely nowhere. Put any tune and any dance that you like on the song.  
  
Riku: *Singing and dancing* Rubber chicken. Rubber chicken. We all dance for the rubber chicken! Dance dance dance! Everyone's doing it so dance for the chicken!  
  
The rubber chicken went to a High School dance. Everybody was doing the Waltz. They quickly changed to the Tango! The chicken didn't like that dance, so made one up on the spot. First, he started to do the robot. Second, break dancing. Then he combined those two and called it The Dance of the Rubber Chicken!  
  
Rubber chicken. Rubber chicken. We all dance for the rubber chicken! Dance dance dance! Everyone's doing it so dance for the rubber chicken!  
  
The rubber chicken soon left. He hadn't liked the music. So he bought his own band! He mixed as much music as possible, and then created an original masterpiece!  
  
Sora: *Joins in* Rubber chicken. Rubber chicken. We all dance for the rubber chicken! Dance dance dance! Everyone's doing it so dance for the rubber chicken!  
  
In just a few short months, the chicken had many fans. He made many songs. Stadiums across the world were sold out! He was a star!  
  
Both: Rubber chicken. Rubber chicken. We all dance for the rubber chicken! Dance dance dance! Everyone's doing it so dance for the rubber chicken!  
  
Riku: But in all that time, no one saw that he was a rubber chicken. He knew that it was illegal for a rubber chicken to own a band. He had hoped that people would always think that he was a normal chicken! But then a hater found him out!  
  
Everyone, including Wakka: Rubber chicken. Rubber chicken. We all dance for the rubber chicken! Dance dance dance! Everyone's doing it so dance for the rubber chicken!  
  
Sora: The chicken was sent to court. He admitted to breaking the law. He was sentenced to fifteen years in prison! But his fans paid for him to get out!  
  
Everyone: Rubber chicken. Rubber chicken. We all dance for the rubber chicken! Dance dance dance! Everyone's doing it so dance for the rubber chicken!  
  
Riku: His fans made him a special case. The court let him back into the music business. Soon, the rubber chicken was selling albums!  
  
Everyone: Rubber chicken. Rubber chicken. We all dance for the rubber chicken! Dance dance dance! Everyone's doing it so dance for the rubber chicken! Ruuuuuubbbbeeeeeerrrrrrrrr chicken!!  
  
Sparks flew up from behind the stage that everyone was suddenly on. The rubber chicken was doing a cross between break dancing and the Robot, Riku was holding an electric guitar, Kairi had a tambourine, Wakka was on drums, Sora was chugging down coffee, Tidus had an electric triangle, and Selphie had a banjo.  
  
Selphie: *Looks around* That was neat! We NEED to do that again sometime!  
  
Riku grabs the rubber chicken by the neck and whacks wakka.  
  
WHACK  
  
Rubber chicken: Ow.  
  
Riku: Hail to the rubber chicken!  
  
Everyone else: O.o  
  
Kairi: I think his trip around the world gave Riku some kind of brain problem. You know what this means, don't you?  
  
Tidus: *Holding a digital camera* Blackmail if he ever gets better?  
  
Wakka: Laugh at him until we burst?  
  
Selphie: Drink Romance-aid?  
  
Sora: *Sniff* Buy some deodorant? You could really use some.  
  
Kairi: Well, I guess we could do all that. But tomorrow we need to bring him to a doctor. *Evil giggle of doom!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!* This will be fun!  
  
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Western Master 3: Sorry about the short chapter. It's plot development.  
  
Raccoon: foooooddddd..............  
  
Western Master 3: We'll continue looking for food in a minute.  
  
Raccoon: ^_^  
  
Western Master 3: Question for Rocky and Bobo, what does vunderbar mean? 


End file.
